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8​-​Count Crapula

from Now That's What I Call Crap! - 2009 by XoC

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about

Fictional tale of the pacifist Count Crapula, Count Dracula's nephew

lyrics

Count crapula
My uncles name was Dracula
And he stayed out all night looking spectacular
But back it up
Rewind just a little bit
My uncles now dead
And I'm sitting in the village pit
(x2)

Hey guard
Who me
Yeah you
You know the reason that
Your friends tied me up
Beat me senseless like a greasy rat
They dragged me from my coffin
Do u think I'll get my freedom back
(They're going to hurt you 
You need to say that treason's bad)

But treason's bad?
What treason do you speak of?
My mentality and behaviour is unique cause
I don't bother humans 
I never do that because
I hate the taste of blood
Plus they're sending goons to meet ya

Keep talking little man
I think you need to cry more 
The people in this town 
Tend to see you as an eyesore

An eyesore!?!
You are under false pretense!
My lineage demands 
Being handsome is a defense
I walk up to women
Be a charming and a sweet prince
1000 years of practice tends make my ego immense

Count crapula
My uncles name was Dracula
And he stayed out all night looking spectacular
But back it up
Rewind just a little bit
My uncles now dead
And I'm sitting in the village pit
(x2)

You're finished!
And you have no chance to cop out
Your alibi, hard to believe 
We sent a scout out

Not guilty
----
If i hafta i will shout out
I'm not the kinda cretin
That the village needs to rout out
So respect
that I've made the vow to humans
No way I would hurt them
I would never do it

But screw it
I'm about to be smashed out
The heavy stones you're piling
Pretty sure that Ill be assed out 

Count crapula
My uncles name was Dracula
And he stayed out all night looking spectacular
But back it up
Rewind just a little bit
My uncles now dead
And I'm sitting in the village pit
(x2)

So Count,
Any last words or statements
The villagers have gathered 
And they get impatient waiting
Ya hear that...
Said they haven't got all day and
They came to see
When your insides are displaying

I'm saying
Why don't you just make confession
The king never likes it when the victim leaves him guessing
You stress him
And he's bound to teach a Lesson
Prolong your pain, he's insane when people test him 

You know what 
I descend from great Dracul,
But humans lust for blood,
like a hunrgy pack of jackals
You bastards, I regret I never attacked you

Forgot-that-I- could-turn-into-a-wolf?
Now isn't that cool!!

Count crapula
My uncles name was Dracula
And he stayed out all night looking spectacular
But back it up
Rewind just a little bit
My uncles now dead
And I'm sitting in the village pit
(x2)

credits

from Now That's What I Call Crap! - 2009, released January 16, 2010

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all rights reserved

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about

XoC Las Vegas, Nevada

NYC's #1 Nerdcore Artist!!

Making music about topics as obscure as a photon of light traveling across the universe, to feeling worthless, to having a battle defending his favorite snack pop-tarts vs toaster strudels, to living with a dead bedroom, to having a showdown with Starscream and Optimus Prime, to being shot by his stepdad, to recounting the revolution in his home country of Haiti ... more

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